THIS IS ME ...

To reach optimum health, you must pay attention to the spiritual dimensions of your life. You have a body, but you are far more than just a body. Every area of your life affects every other area. For instance, it’s hard to be spiritually strong and mentally alert when you are emotionally stressed or physically fatigued. If you are spiritually and emotionally weak or ill, your body cannot perform at its peak. So, your health starts with your relationship to God—the Creator who designed you knows best how your body was made to operate and has the power to help you make the changes that you want to see. ~ Pastor Rick Warren

"So, here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Romans 12:1-2 MSG

MY STORY

My name is Brenda Fagan. My struggle with my weight has been a lifelong thorn in my flesh. I was put on diet pills by my pediatrician when I was in the 4th grade—which made me very shaky. The only time I recall having a healthy BMI was 1971 when I was a senior in high school. And that was only possible because I was only eating a half sandwich a day and going to an exercise facility for several months. This was the same year I met and married my husband.

This blog is for me. It's my story. It's a reminder to me of this life journey I've been on for 70 years now—where I've been and where I am today. Most importantly, it's a reminder of God's unconditional love for me. I don't want to forget my struggle because it's a part of who I am, but I never want to go back there again. I want to celebrate the fact that I never gave up on myself and because of that, God is giving me the desire of my heart. 

Approx Age 4

Approx Age 7

I've never understood why I was overweight & my family wasn't.

Approx Age 12

Age 18 - 132 lbs.

Highest weight known, 215 lbs.

Age 49

MY JOURNEY

"God is a god of the journey. He doesn't expect perfection from us. He knows we are dust. He's just after your heart that you might go through this life together. Don't miss out on opportunities for a relationship by running from the heart of God when you realize your own imperfection. Don't miss out on an opportunity to experience grace by trying to hide your sin. Allow God into everything you are and do. Journey with him that you might experience the wonders of a god who loves you just as you are. Find joy in experiencing right now the eternal relationship afforded you by your Savior King."

7 Jul 2001

Father, I'm getting back into the habit of eating when I'm not hungry. Please help me to be conscious of this and only eat one or two times a day.

30 Aug 2001

Precious Father, I need & want to get this weight off. Please help me to eat according to the pyramid plan for the next 3 weeks to see if it helps me. Please let it help me lose some weight. My weight today is 196.

21 Oct 2001

I sense that God is wanting me to be obedient to Him by not overeating. I feel that God is telling me that I am not fully committed to him because I have an idol in my life—food.

20 Nov 2001

Produce all the Fruit of the Spirit in me, especially self-control. And help me to use this in taking care of my body. Help me to realize that by taking care of my body ...

• I am being controlled by the Holy Spirit.
• I am giving my body to God as a living and holy sacrifice, the least I can do to thank Him for all He has done for me.
• I will be nailing my passions and desires to the cross and crucify them there.
• I will be allowing God to transform me into a new person by changing the way I think. I want to do all this, Lord. Please help me.

1 Jan 2002

Precious Father, please help me eat correctly in order to give health to my body and to lose weight. I don't know if this Bible Plan Cure booklet is an answer to my prayer to find the right way to eat and lose weight, but help me to try it and see how I feel. If this is from you. Lord, help me to be successful.

31 Jan 2002

Father, although I am trying to eat in a way that brings honor to you, I ask that my weight loss can serve to proclaim this to the world around me. Please help me to continue to lose, always putting obedience to you at the forefront of my actions. I'm just excited about looking and feeling better.

13 Jun 2002

171.75 on my birthday! Finally made it to 25 lbs. lost.

19 Jun 2002

I'm having trouble with eating for the past 2-3 days. I believe it's because I'm taking my eyes off the original reason to change my eating and that is to please God and offer my body as a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to Him. I'm now focusing on losing weight and not on pleasing Him so I'm getting discouraged when I don't lose. I need to remember that losing weight is only a blessing of my obedience and I should stay faithful even when I don't see this blessing. This will please God.

10 Jan 2012

Take the desire to eat all the time away from me but not by using illness. My stomach is full but I seldom feel satisfied, especially in the evening. Forgive me for having this problem and help me overcome it. By the power & blood of Jesus, I ask. Amen.

15 Dec 2012

Father, I'm going to believe that you will help me with my struggle with wanting sweets by taking away my craving for sugar. So, in the name of Jesus, I ask you to make a change in my body that will cause me not to have a desire or craving for desserts. I think I have realized that this is the only way I will be able to avoid them. I know this is a lifelong struggle and no amount of willpower will keep me from them. I think I would be fine with my eating if I didn't have this thorn in my flesh. I'm going to keep watching for this to happen and believe that you will answer this prayer and give me this desire of my heart. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

(Feb 2016. I was so excited when I read this entry from 3 years ago because I have not been wanting sugar! God is faithful! I'm so glad that I didn't give up praying for this!)

(Mar 2017. I've been back to my sugar cravings but I'm feeling a breakthrough since I shared my involvement with Healthy by Design (HBD) with my kids.)

2 Jan 2013

Father, thank you for giving me another year of life. Put me in the middle of your will in 2013. Show me my purpose, my calling so I know what it is without any question. Help me to become the person you created me to be. Help me to win the lifelong battle I've had with food and get to the weight that pleases you. Help me to just eat healthy foods and limit amounts to only the needs of my body. Help me to consistently move more—being a good steward of my body—offering my body as a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to you. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

(Feb 2016. God is answering this prayer in so many ways at this moment. I am now a volunteer mentor with the HBD program and assist Cathy in editing. Aside from my family, my 3 life passions are: My relationship with the Lord and sharing Him with others; honoring God by living a healthy lifestyle; and communication with the written Word—especially spiritual writings. God has taken all of my passions and rolled them up into my calling and connected me with HBD! Now, how awesome is that!? I had NO IDEA this was coming! And, I can't stop thanking Him!)

Mar 2017. I am now on staff as a virtual assistant with HBD! God is on the move as I near retirement.)

4 Jan 2013

My ongoing prayers for 2013 ...

Get to my goal weight of 156 and stay there; continue to incorporate healthy lifestyle routines into my life; keep my spaces clear of trigger foods and high glycemic carbs; track daily.

(I'm doing all of this consistently now! My healthy weight goal is now 145. Thank you, Father God, for the answer to this prayer!)

(Mar 2017. I've been around 155—up and down for months—as God works with me to learn the reasons why I struggle with food issues. I'm confident that I will reach my ideal BMI weight of 145 when He knows that I've learned all He has for me.)

6 Sep 2013

After my weight went back up to 167.2, I said to Bill, "I don't know what to do." Immediately the words, "Yes, you do! You're just not doing it", came to my mind. Thank you, Lord.

As you can see, I've traveled a long time on this journey to break free from the bondage of food. I could go on and on with other journal entries, but I feel this is a good place to stop.

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MY LIFE PURPOSE STATEMENT

(I wrote this several years ago.)

Where is God Leading Me?

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG

Life purpose statements are steps of faith in each area of my life in which I feel God nudging me to either BE (character development) or DO (SHAPE deployment), and I know I could not fulfill them without Him. I should think of these statements as opportunities to become all that God has made me to be so that I can bless Him with my life.

There are four main areas of my life for which I will develop life statements. (I have only included a few of my answers here.)

Personal Life.  This is the area of self: Character, Core Values, Strengths, Weaknesses, Hobbies, Health, Rest, Diet, etc.

• I feel God nudging me to be consistent in every area of my life, including my goals and desires, and to stop being tossed about like the wind.
• I feel God nudging me to be disciplined in healthy eating and regular exercise at least 90% of the time, offering my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him (Romans 12:1-2).

Spiritual Life.  This is the area of my faith; Service, Stewardship, Prayer, Evangelism, Worship, and Life Purpose.

• I feel God nudging me to develop a closer relationship with Him by being more faithful in my devotional time (listening—Bible and sharing—prayer).
• I feel God nudging me to put Him at the center of my life and stop worrying about my children and grandchildren. (Philippians 4:6,7)

Vocational Life.  This is the area of my career, work, specialties from the marketplace to homemaker.

Relational Life.  This is the area of fellowship: Friends, Family, Parenting, Marriage, Community.

“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires." Galatians 5:24

My Personal Life Statement

Jesus Christ and His church are the center of my life. It is my hope that I will set an example of godliness for my children and grandchildren, and that I share the Good News of Jesus with unbelievers. I will encourage and “love one another” through regular participation in large group worship and small group settings. My life desire is that every thought I have, every decision I make, every word I speak, and every action I take will reflect the character of Jesus and bring praise and glory to the Father.

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FROM PAST TO PRESENT

I joined Weight Watchers (WW) in 2003 through an at-work program, weighing in at 179.8. For the next 11 years, I struggled to try to get to, then stay at, my goal weight, changing it 3 times—150, 152, 158. I also worked as a receptionist for 6 years during this time. 

After leaving WW, I continued my search to find the key to committing myself to living a healthy lifestyle. I have a shelf full of books on nutrition, exercise, and diet that have given me enough head knowledge to be a fitness coach myself. I could teach it; I just couldn't consistently live it. However, unbeknown to me, all this acquired knowledge was about to pay off—my prayers were about to be answered! 

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Healthy by Design

In August of 2015, I stumbled across Cathy Morenzie's book, Healthy by Design, Weight Loss God's Way, on Amazon Kindle and purchased it for .99. I thought, well, if it doesn't help me, I'm not out much, at least I'm trying ... again! I loved what she had to say so I purchased her 21-Day Meal Plan book also. This led me to the 21-Day Challenge and then to the 90-Day Haven Program, which has changed my life! I have no doubt that God was leading me to this point in my life. However, He knew that I had a lot to learn before I would 'get it', so this took time.

As of the update of this Blog, I have reached my goal weight of 145 lbs. I pray my testimony will give you the courage to step out and take this journey. It's evident that God is using Cathy to minister life into women who can't break free of the bondage of using food for all the wrong reasons. If you are willing to put in the work to get to the root of why you emotionally eat, you CAN also change your life forever. TO GOD GIVE THE GLORY!

"The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free." Luke 4:18

MY WORD FOR 2015

As I was preparing my story, I forgot that I had written this Blog on Jan 4, 2015. Another example of why I say that God was preparing me for this moment in time ...

"At the example of a friend, I decided to choose a word for 2015. I asked God to give me this word. I had a couple in mind but didn't feel sure about them. During a sermon on January 4th, our youth pastor told us we should not make New Year resolutions because only 8% of people keep them. The desire to make a positive change may be a good goal but if we don't make the change, we accomplish nothing. Our pastor said we should change our focus, not make resolutions. We should make 2015 a year of FAITH. As I thought about this, I realized this was the word God wanted me to choose. FAITH is complete trust or confidence in someone or something (Hebrews 11:1). I need to remember to keep my eyes on Jesus (Matthew 14:27-31) and trust Him to help me to make changes in my life this year. Without FAITH it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6)."

MY POSTS

Below are some samplings of my posts during the program. These give only a limited look of what God has done in my life from being a part of this program.

30 Jan 2016

Teresa, don't quit! This is exactly what Satan wants you to do! I've struggled my whole life with my weight and thought about giving up many times, but in His still quiet voice, God told me He wasn't giving up on me so I shouldn't either. So, I kept trying. My perseverance is paying off! I've made such a breakthrough in the past weeks that it's actually scary! ...but so exciting! The key to this is making God my primary focus. Every choice I make with food and exercise is to honor Him now. If I know or feel in my spirit, it's not a good choice, then I don't eat it. And I stop when I'm full. There are some things I've been asked to do but I've found that I wasn't ready at first so I focused on what I COULD DO and grew from that. I fear every day that I will lose this new found determination, but then I'm reminded that I am working through God's power, not my own, so I'm good. Blessings.

Jan 30, 2016
This has been another difficult area for me. Since I have failed for so long, I haven't let those around me know that I'm on this journey. Only my husband and one friend from church who is on the Challenge know. At this point, I'm not ready to go outside my 4 walls other than FB posts from time to time that is mostly for my benefit. So, my husband has graciously agreed to be my accountability partner. I really didn't know if I wanted him to be because I didn't want to get mad at him for questioning my choices. But after deciding I would ask him, I realized that he is the right person because he hears me talk about my goals and the daily assignments. I'm hoping that God will convict him to commit to a healthier lifestyle too. He doesn't give me a lot of grief about the foods I fix, but he eats too many carbs. I've told him to ask me if the choice I'm about to make will honor God. Since this is the desire of my heart, it should cause me to H.A.L.T.

31 Jan 2016

God is so good! I'm so excited about the place I'm at this moment! I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving at communion this morning at church—thanking, thanking, thanking Him. I'm experiencing a depth during worship time that I've never felt before. I feel so close to God! I can't articulate it! I told my husband that I wish I could rub against him and he could feel this for just a second or two. I'm so happy and excited to be honoring Him by CONSISTENTLY living a healthy lifestyle that I want to burst at times. The chains are coming off and I'm tasting the freedom that I've never had before! It's almost like an out-of-body experience. The fear of failing still comes to mind, but only briefly because I know that as long as my focus is on honoring Him with my choices, I WILL NOT FAIL! And, I look at this weight release differently than ever before because I know it's not what I'M doing, it's HIS blessing for my obedience! Cathy, thank YOU for your obedience in your calling to women! I can't thank you enough. I know that God has been preparing me for this moment—it's so humbling. Because of this, I'm working on a Blog to send along when I share the May Challenge on my FB page. And I'm not only going to share on my page, but also tag women who I know are struggling with their weight. I want to direct them to you, and most importantly to the Father.

1 Feb 2016

Everything about the program is wonderful, although not always easy but worth it. I'm exercising daily, spending time with the Lord, staying within my calories, eating healthy, watching my nutrients, drinking water, planning my meals, doing the challenges, and I'm finding that I'm not thinking about food when I'm stressed. I just thought today when facing a very stressful morning, that food has no place in this problem. I pray and deal with the stress as best as I can, and move on. I'm so excited about the new me! "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I encourage you to be open to God's leading, even if it scares you. I was scared because I was afraid of failing, ... again! It's difficult to articulate the way that continuing on with HBD has changed my life—I can't put a price tag on it. Yes, it's intense, but I wouldn't have had the breakthrough I've had if it hadn't been. I feel like I've finally found the person I've desired to be, and my closeness to God has grown so much. I know I would not be where I am today if I hadn't continued, and would probably have lost what I learned in the first 21-Day Challenge. God brought me to this place at this time in my life and I am so grateful! 

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Quote:

If we shine so that God may be glorified, shining is good. If we show off in order to glorify ourselves, we can expect no reward from God.

"The desire of my heart is to shine so that God may be glorified!" ~ Brenda Fagan

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WHAT GOD HAS SHOWN ME

I discovered through the 21-Day Challenge & the HBD program that my primary limiting belief is 'I CAN'T' get to my healthy weight because I've tried my entire life and it's just not possible. I've learned that this is a lie from Satan and I will not listen to it any longer or be bound by it because, "I CAN do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

I also discovered that "fear of failure" is the root of this limiting belief. But I no longer need to fear that I will fail because, "God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7" and "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

For me, it's not about the number on the scale any longer. It's the sincere desire to honor God with WHAT, and HOW MUCH I eat—ending the day knowing I made good choices. I keep telling Him that I love honoring Him in this way! And the number on the scale will show this, "So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. 

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." Psalms 37:4-5

"December 7, 2018 - 145 lbs."

"Don't Give Up" Calling Glory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtSKzHxVqxQ

"By Your Side" Jamie Slocum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAmVZgkBTzE

"Overcomer" Mandisa

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg

Note: This testimony is not meant to endorse any specific program or system mentioned in my blog. It's just my experience, and if it will help other women (and men) find freedom from the bondage of food, I want to share it. 

Brenda Fagan, Updated September 2023